box of Jack

Freedom Bridge at Imjingak

It took a little bit of cajoling to get Diana to agree to take me on the South Korean DMZ tour. I couldn’t understand why, I expected the tour to be this huge insight into the tensions that exist between North and South. I expected to find something there. Really, when you hear the phrase “DMZ Tour” you should not be so impressed by the word “DMZ” but rather you should be fearful of the word “tour”.

We were part of a group of ten. We would drive in a van out of Seoul with our tour guide all the way to Imjingak before we would join other tour groups on a large coach that would take us around the area. The other people in our tour group? Australians. I even recognized one of them as football player and coach, Ron Barassi. He is a footballer who, as Lachlan tells me, “used to king the shit out of everyone.” And no, that’s not a reference to checkers. But it was actually fun to be in the thick of all the Australian accents again and see Australia’s unique version of the crotchety old man stereotype.

Ron and his boys; lovely fellows if a bit noisy

“Lu”, our lovely tour guide.

The guys sure loved to ask Lu a lot of questions. They were like schoolchildren and sometimes they would get caught up in chatting amongst themselves that Lu would have a hard time talking over them. It was at these moments she would look pleadingly to Diana and the sadness in her eyes would say, “You are the only other Korean in this van and hence you are the only one that understands my pain right now.” My memory of Lu will be when she told us that we should not defect to the North because she will be the one that is blamed.

But yes, we first arrived at Imjingak. It’s a group of buildings that stand as a monument to how much Koreas wish for peace and reunification. There is also a carnival with one of those big ships that swing back and forth. Oh, and there are corn dogs. Later we were taken to Dorasan station, a place where they can ship goods into North Korea by train. It’s set up to take regular passengers should that ever be agreed upon.

A monument to the people that donated to North Korea so that this railroad could be built.

Subsequent stops included the third invasion tunnel discovered by the South. This involved a steep ramp of about 800m (~2600ft) long. This was when the tour got a little less comfortable and I actually enjoyed it. Although, it was kind of cruel because a lot of people on this tour where quite old (including little old Korean ladies that are permanently hunched over) and it was kinda crazy to see them trying to climb back up to the surface. I’m surprised they don’t have more warnings about exactly how physically demanding it is.

What next? Umm, some gift shops. The Udasan observatory that was about the closest we got to the DMZ. And, strangely enough, an amethyst factory outlet which had nothing to do with the DMZ and everything to do with nice kickbacks to the tour company.

If I had done my research, I would have realised that this tour takes us nowhere near the actual demarcation line where the DMZ begins. I really wanted to see things like the conference rooms that straddle the border and some of the facades that North Korea has put up. Maybe next time, I guess.

Tonight, I fly out to Hong Kong and we get to see our friend Amy. What crazy adventures are in store? Will I get pickpocketed? Find out!

The scene: a little pocket of shopping nestled in Insadong, one of Seoul’s many busy districts. In front of us are some food stands selling Korean sweets. Locals and foreigners are milling about, watching a man with a large mallet take huge dramatic swings to pound some dough. Around the perimeter are four floors of shops selling cute accessories and stationery.

The guy with the mallet was shouting excitedly and getting tourists to have a try. First a teenage white girl. Then some kids pushed their mother into doing it. Then a gaggle of Korean girls. Diana and I went up the stairs where I basked in the sweet hipster glow of the stationery store. Cute little robot stickers and funky sketchbook designs. I am very much into the clean, minimalist, fobby look.

As Diana and I were browsing through the adjacent stall, I heard a lady excitedly run past. Our storekeeper squealed something in Korean and ran out too. I thought she was chasing down a shoplifter or something but she had this big grin on her face like it was Christmas morning and someone had taken a bite out of the cookies she left out.

Diana says, “Oh there’s some celebrity down there. Look at the crowd.”

Sure enough, there’s now a tight circle of people gathered around where the mallet guy was. Diana’s told me before that we might see celebrities and I’m a huge fan of just unashamedly gawking at them but this is Korea, after all. The best I could hope to see is some pretty young thing with a brilliant smile and everyone would tell me they are famous and I would just have to take their word for it. On the bright side, this was an opportunity to study other people going ga-ga. No harm in joining in on the fun.

We look down and I see a man, his back towards me. I see a cute girl in a blue top buzzing about in front of the camera. She’s chatting with the man and the mallet guy. The mallet is passed to her and she can barely lift it, I’m afraid she could drop it on herself. They trio are surrounded by camera-phones snapping away.

“Is it the girl?” Nah, she looks like she’s the host. But maybe she’s just doing some cutesy roving reporter shtick; running around and picking up huge mallets and stuff. It certainly can’t be that guy with his back to me, I can tell from his outdated hairstyle that’s he is probably quite old but still trying hard to look stylish.

“I think it’s the guy,” Diana says.

And then he turns around.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Get the camera. I can’t zoom with my camera. He’s too far away. Here, I’ll hold your drink, you get your camera. Holy shit. Did you get him? The camera guy is in the way. Oh shit, he’s going around the corner. Fuck fuck fuck. Damn it we lost him. Wasn’t that exciting though? Wow! Yikes, I’m shaking.

Did you get a good photo? Me neither.

The squeaks and squeals start again. We can see a group on the move up the stairs towards us. I see a bodyguard. I see the camera guy. Diana works herself into a frenzy. I realize she’s too far gone to get a photo of this so it’s up to me. All she can do is hit my arm and demand I yell something in Chinese to get his attention. I’ve seen enough red carpets to know that if you want to get a photo of someone, you just yell their name. I will score extra points here because I know his Chinese name and that would certainly stand out amongst the steady hum of Korean all around him. I take a breath, he’s literally inches from me now.

“Jackie!”

This is my grainy, underexposed photo of him. More pictures here: 1, 2, 3, 4

That got his attention. He looks a little surprised and then he smiles and waves. I feel like I’ve been electrocuted. My God, I love this man and I would let him fly-kick me a hundred times over.

I will refrain from making any Seoul-related puns. Unless it’s really really good.

I have arrived in Korea and I don’t think the reality has sunk in yet. I’m just kind of puttering around. The flight was great and the folks at Asiana Airlines kept trying to feed us and take our cups away. I watched 27 Dresses, an episode of Ugly Betty and Dan in Real Life. All fun things to watch that don’t demand much brain power. As much as I cringe whenever I hear about a new Katherine Heigl movie, I actually enjoy watching her on screen.

Anyway, I’m tired. My brain isn’t working. I’d love to ramble on and on about what Korea is like but I think I’m just going to go sleep instead. In case you are wondering: Yes, I have caught up on all your blogs. Because that’s the kind of friend I am.

Oh one thing. The airport security at Seoul-Incheon is the best. They didn’t talk to me, didn’t look me up and down. They just took the little form I filled out, stamped my passport and I was outside amongst the regular people! That is such a refreshing change from the constant threat of a cavity search and indefinite incarceration.

Well dear blagoblag, I leave for the airport in approximately 5 hours. This time tomorrow, my bestest friend, Diana and I will be in Seoul. After a week of seeing a few of the touristy sights, eating the food, butchering the language, fumbling the customs and perhaps seeing the DMZ, I will be in Hong Kong for a few days. Then it’s back to Korea and on to Seattle.

Some of you might be surprised at this news because, truth be told, I haven’t really said anything about it. I haven’t thought about this trip at all. I got tickets, I got my passport; let’s just go already and we’ll figure it out when we get there. I don’t even have my first night of accommodation lined up. Worst comes to worst, I’ll either sleep in a sleazy “love hotel” for a night or abuse my credit card and check myself in to a big hotel chain.

I hear South Korea is one of the most connected nations around and there’s broadband all over the place. This probably means I’ll spend a decent chunk of my money in internet cafes. I might end up blogging more than I usually do. Crazy, huh.